While cleaning her room, your child may pick up her socks, then a book, and then the book reminds her of a movie she hasn’t seen in a while.

So, she goes to the media room and starts watching it, all while still holding the sock or the book in her hands. You walk in, see her watching the movie, the room is still a mess, you start to yell, and she looks at you puzzled and confused wondering why you have just lost it.

She genuinely and more than likely lost track of the task at hand and, due to her slow processing speed and short-term memory, probably forgot the original command to clean her room.

So, as you’re yelling, she sees you as “mean Mom” or “angry Dad” because she doesn’t know what she did wrong.

Sound familiar? No, I’m not in your house. I have just heard this story and many versions of it many times. It is common.

The problem is the more you yell, scold, punish, and lose it, the more of a negative impact these negative interactions have on the parent-child relationship and on that child’s self-esteem.

They don’t intend on being bad, defiant, non-compliant, lazy, or unmotivated; they just don’t track activities, tasks, and commands very well. This is a neurodevelopmental issue. It is a skill they lack and need to be taught.

It takes time and a lot of practice. Yelling and over-punishing your child does not teach them the skills they need.

Once you understand why they behave the way they do, what is going on inside of their brain, and the other reasons that explain their emotions and behaviors, then you can change your response and teach them the skills they need to do (and the things you really want them to do).